How does one create community when living spread apart from the community itself. Over the years I’ve lived all over the US and world, if we count the first twenty years of my life. My community is now sprinkled across continents and time zones. Big cities and smaller country towns. How do you bring it all together? What’s the secret sauce to be able to still follow your dreams but keep said community close. Perhaps there isn’t an answer, but I am still here asking the question because I am longing for community, once more.
A timeout was needed.
After my accident I needed a timeout from the world. Humans. Traffic. 9–5 grind. Social media. Basically anything that is considered “normal” from a basic society point of view. We use the term “normal” here to give us some context in what deviated from my precious life.
During my darkest moments I could not pick up a telephone and call a friend. It always sounds so simple. “Hey man, I’m here for you. Just give me a call if you need anything.”
Well… I needed so much but could not muster myself to just reach out. Hey friend, I miss you. Seems so simple to say, today but when you are deep in it, it is everything but easy.
Add to the mix that I’ve almost always lived in a dense population city, Downtown Los Angeles, NYC but now moved to a rural location, Montana; where I did not know a single human within 1000 miles distance. So here I was, healing in my own solitude doing the best I could, without even the tiniest sense of community.
It was me and Freyja and many days if not weeks, we managed to spend time together without seeing another human. That is how remote I put myself and did so because I needed to heal. Heal without community and/or professional help. I think I came out on the other side ok, but this is also why you are reading this. The healing was not finished, if not finished and the words that I put down in this journal is my way to release some of the built up anxiety and hurt I have had over the years.
Bring back human connection.
As time passed I started to feel better, I started to come back to a new reality, my new reality, and my new self. The old me who you potentially knew and met over the years does not exist today.
I left him behind after lots of healing on my little mountain top. Reflecting back I would say old me liked to be seen and heard in a social setting, almost too much. You’d know if I was there.
Years later I now realize that was a behavior to protect myself from how I truly felt. Slightly uncomfortable in social situations. Me today, loves social settings but rather not be the center of attention. Probably a characteristic of growing older but also part staying true to my inner self.
How on earth do we bring back community into all of this now? We all live digital lives and feel content poking into humans lives through our digital devices. There’s no need to call a friend because you watched said friend’s vacation and family news through that device you probably are reading this on. You feel like you were part of friend’s life because you followed along. Similar in how we feel invested into movie characters.
Sadly, it is not real nor helping in building your community. There is no foundation to stand on and we all know how important a solid foundation is, in anything we do.
Just do it, they say.
You might be thinking along the lines of: but dude, why don’t you just pickup the phone and call someone. Totally valid assertion and I don’t have an answer to that question just yet.
Perhaps that’s why I am journaling. To get my thoughts to make sense. To bring out what’s missing inside. Help me nudge myself across the terrifying imaginary boundary we place on ourselves. I’d like to call people. I’d like people to call me. Not because we have to but because we align and want to keep community alive.
Fika, we all need to move slower.
Years ago I started a similar thought process but slightly different. You’ve might have heard me preaching Fika already but to me, it represents community at its best.
Some may see it as a simple coffee break but I see it as a time away from whatever it is that makes us busy, and just relax. Time away with someone else and their thoughts and feelings. Community.
While I haven’t pushed hard on the concept, I did setup a small website with a link anyone in the world could book a fika with me.
Sure, it is not in person but I thought that it could be such wonderful idea to fika together wherever we are in the moment. Another way of normalizing a regular phone call.
Have you recently texted someone saying: Hey, is it ok if I call you in 30min? I hate to say it but that is not how it should be. Just call. You are not bothering anyone, you are just reaching out. Wanting to connect. Wanting more than just a simple little text message. I also bet you were hoping to have more of a human connection than speaking to a blue or green bubble. Calling someone is normal, yet we feel so damn bothered by it. WHY?!
We don’t have to have coffee but we can have 15 minutes of catching up and conversation together. We can talk about what’s going on in the moment or life as a whole. We can take a tiny pause out of our day to check in with another human.
So far it’s been varied success. Could be the platform. Could be that people don’t want to fika with me. Could is a hard variable to measure so it’ll be easier to just continue with what makes us passionate. Fika is something I am passionate about but only because it means community, to me.
It’s the missing piece in my life and I’m trying to figure out how to solve it. Do you have any ideas? How can I improve my universe when it comes to the concept of community or fika. I’d love to know.
While I know you and many others may never reach out with an answer perhaps one or two will. And that’s one or two humans that have a chance to become closer to me than before. That’s a lovely thought as well.
Growth comes from within.
My journal is to allow myself an outlet for holding on to thoughts and emotions over the past few years. It allows me to see myself from a different perspective and third person POV which has helped my own growth.
Who knew words on a paper or digital screen can be so soothing and also healing. Sure sure, probably “everyone” but it’s a nice revelation for myself. The journey is bumpy and not always comfortable.
Community is a topic that’s been hard to communicate about and this is the initial pen to paper moment I wanted to take. Action.
Action is everything and here we are. Wandering. Seeking. Growing. While trying to figure out what community in the future will look like, to and for me. Something tells me that I will circle back to this topic as all I have here is the initial release, word vomit if you will.
World, the thoughts out out there. Let’s take action! Perhaps even together if you’ve always felt similar or are curious.
-cb