For as long as I can remember, dreams have been a significant part of my persona. You might laugh and say something like, “Don’t we all dream, ya fool?” Sure, we do. But go ahead, you write this then instead!
As I reflect on the depths of the past few years, marked by trauma and pain, I find myself pouring out my thoughts onto these pages, for all to see or none at all, my thoughts that needs to come out for me, not you. Each day, a small flame within me ignites with my dreams — goals to achieve before my time in this physical form ends, or simply aspirations with a set timeline. Dreams, nonetheless, propel me forward, driving me to take action.
Let’s take a moment to look back in time. This might resonate more with those Swedes out there than my friends elsewhere. My childhood dreams unfolded in my grandmother’s front yard, comfy with a coke in hand on the grass on summer days, flipping through the pages of the marvelous Hobbex Catalog, a treasure from a Swedish store cleverly named Hobbex in Borås. It featured everything imaginable, from toys to electric guitars to bikes to record players. As a young child, I wanted it all. While I never bought much from it, it taught me the art of dreaming. Sometimes, dreaming provided peace, offering an escape from harsh realities.
But how does this relate to being an “actionable dreamer” if I didn’t purchase anything back then? Perhaps it was the act of not buying that underscored the importance of action versus mere dreaming, distinguishing reality from fantasy. While we all have dreams, we don’t always act upon them, for various reasons. I know you have dreams; you wouldn’t be human without them. So, let’s stop the silliness and commit to pursuing at least one dream this month. Do it. Dooooo it! Simple yeah?
Dreaming served as my coping mechanism during the recovery of my motorcycle accident. I’ll dive deeper into that story in another journal, when the time is right. For now, let’s focus on my path back from my accident — marked by dreams, hopes, and goals. I firmly believe that without my dreams, I wouldn’t be where I am today, alive and kicking, still.
My most vibrant dream to date revolves around denim, though it took me a while to realize it. It all began at the age of six, helping my aunt at her clothing store, where I first encountered a pair of raw denim Levi’s 501 jeans. The texture, the scent, the feel of brand new, perfectly indigo-colored denim — it captivated me. This experience fueled my passion for denim, leading me to dive deeper into every aspect of it, from sales to organization to buying trips. Yup, a vidid memory is going on a buyers trip to Gothenburg and the office of Levis, listening and picking new stock for the coming season. It was all magical to me. This is where my dream took root, where my internal fire for denim ignited.
Like most dreams, it was overshadowed by newer, more enticing aspirations over time. Whether it was hockey, romance, travel, trucks or other interests, my dreams began to accumulate. Yet, the beauty of stacked dreams lies in the ability to choose which one to pursue on any given day, providing a safe space during challenging times. Options, where do we go today kind of mindset.
Recovery proved to be an uphill battle, especially alone, as every day required gathering the strength to take action, to confront what lay ahead. But wasn’t this about being an “actionable dreamer”? Indeed, but the mind doesn’t always comply. While progress within dreams is possible, the same cannot always be said for daily tasks. There were moments when the simplest tasks would be impossible to complete, the internal struggle. Friends and family often offered simple advice, like a damn Nike commercial: “Just do it.” Yet, recovery isn’t that straightforward; it means digesting external feedback, which isn’t always timely or comforting. What kept me going was the enduring flame of my dreams, particularly my passion for denim. Were there other dreams? Certainly, but none as strong or vibrant as my love for denim, which helped me through dark days… and sadly there were a lot of those dark dark days.
Now, this journal isn’t solely about denim or dreams; it’s about recovery and moving forward. Funny how you thought all along this was about something else. Yeah I know, my writing is not perfect but that is ok, who is… It’s about letting go of the past and slowly walk towards the life I envision daily. And in that daily vision, denim features prominently, a testament to its significance in my journey.
So, while this could easily be a journal dedicated to denim, it’s not. There will be a time for that, but for now, let’s focus on shedding the weight of the past and cultivating strength from within. Finding a safe space within yourself and the human connections we create. Safe is the keyword, slow is the action. For those not connecting the dots, dreams + slow = action.
Slow is the notion of this journal entry and while we did not accomplish it all this time, we will eventually.
Until next time,
-cb